And now a word from our sponsors...Shingles: It's not just for roofs anymore.

On the heels of happiness that two blog posts were finished, posted and bearing The Uglies stamp, something very typical, what I would call par for the course happened.  I got Shingles.

I am not new to the game of My Life:  Think of something.  Build gumption.  Consume many deliciously caffeinated products.  Sit down to it.  Grumble about it.  Moan, kick rocks, find reasons to leave, organize jeans by leg width this time.  Miraculously complete the task.  Celebrate by dancing with Libby Cat and devouring more deliciously caffeinated products (Chocolate).  Move onto next project with bounding excitement and courage.  Get knocked on face.  It's just the way of the world

Shingles.  I've never had them before.  Don't want them now.  Wouldn't wish them upon my worst enemy.  Wait...(strike that).  I fortunately have a mild case and can't imagine what severe would feel like.  It's just enough to make me pissed off by the painful distraction without needing serious care.  Pissed off, that's me.  Yep, angry.  And then I realized, no.  No.  Hell to the no!  Just as I mentioned above, this is the way of my life and something I have become quite accustomed to, you will find, as The Uglies continue to unfold before your bloggy eyes.  Am I supposed to be surprised?  No.  This is my life, after all.  The whole damn point, Shingles and all.

From the time I was created with fearful DNA and a heart burning with seemingly impossible passion, I was in for a ride.  These two factors do not compliment one another when it comes to successful moves and smart choices.  They are enemies of one another, on the battlefield of your best life.  And then there is the spiritual aspect.  The classic fight between Good and Evil.  Fear and Passion, Good and Evil and me smack dab in the middle...The Safe Place.  F-P-G-E is the compass that I live with.  It is the compass many of you live with as well.  You move out of your comfort zone toward Passion and a tornado of doubt whipsaws you sideways into Evil Fear.  Or you return home, get lost in the seductive forest of Evil Passion, finding pleasure in the darkness until a great friend starts yelling at you that dinner and bills and responsibility are waiting for you in the Cape of Good Fear.  Hightail it!  I don't know where any of this came from or what it means yet, exactly....I just sat at the computer.  I got Shingles on the brain.  My Lovelies, there is a reason I'm writing to you outside of The Uglies.  I can really use your help.

I'm not coming to you to feel badly that I feel badly.  I'm not coming to you to moan and groan for how crappy life can become (surprisingly, this is the best time in my life).  I'm here to tell you that from 12 years old on, no matter how grand my dream, supportive my parents, courage I could muster, that Evil Fear would come in and keep me small.  That is it's purpose.  To keep us all small.  To keep beauty in the dark.  To keep fear alive and well.  To keep wounds from healing.  To keep us failing.  It's greatest tool?  Discouragement.  You know why?  Because it is not one of the dramatically grand emotions.  It doesn't make people gasp when they hear about it.  It's like, Oh yeah, you're discouraged, don't be.  It's boring.  And it is the brainchild of fear for it works from the inside out.  All you need is a nuisance outside of your control (such as illness) or one person saying "No" to your brilliant idea.  We (not all of us, but many) internalize this negative declaration until we stop trying to grow beyond what we have and know.  We may have seen ourselves or our ideas as great in our hearts but discouragement sends bullets through our psyche and kills it.  Sometimes only for a day (that's when you know you're starting to kick ass) or for a year (now we're in trouble) or for good ("Oh yeah, I kinda remember her.  Didn't she love Chocolate or something?"). 

When my Shingles subside some other pain in the ass (or torso in this case) will undoubtedly take it's place.  It always does.  Recently, and I mean like yesterday, I stopped being discouraged and started seeing this as a good thing.  You know why bad crap tries to knock you down over and over?  Because you're onto something big.  YOU.  And The Mailman knows it.  That's why your mailbox is so full.  He delivered Shingles the morning after I whispered under my breath...while endorphins sieged my heart valves...in my favorite bookstore...after posting Pt 2 of The Uglies and receiving most excellent news about the future of Fearlessly Female: "Stop and take this all in. You are in the good part."  I went home, crawled gleefully into bed with Libby Loo leaned back against a pillow and said, "Ouch!"  Screw you, Mailman!

I received an email recently from a most lovely of Lovelies:

 "This Fearlessly Female stuff that you do, which is FANTASTIC, is it all "just" hobby?  Or are you promoting your business?  I need details!" 

The short answer is ~ It is my everything.  It was born while sitting on my bedroom floor 22 years ago and has been a part of my life ever since, revealed in stacks and stacks of journals.  It is not until a year ago that I decided to do anything I could to see it to fruition.  That's what I'm here to tell you, Dear Readers.  I will never stop fighting for FF and it's purpose.  Nothing, not even The Mailman will knock me down permanently.  I've got nothing else to do and I've got nothing left to lose.  At 43 my life has been stripped down to the bare bone, both by outside forces and my own decisions.  Last year I went from a fabulous, fashionable existence in San Francisco to being back in my childhood bedroom at the house I grew up in. I drive a beat-up pickup truck and make enough income to keep me caffeinated, Chocofied and gassed up.  That's pretty much it.  I came full circle back to where my dream was first born.  Why do I do this?  So I can finally, without fear, without anguish, without distraction (other than organizing my jeans), with tremendous support from my family and on the wings of angels who protect me like the dickens, see Fearlessly Female become much greater than small. 

Here's where you come in.  I need a posse.  I am but one girl and can no longer do it alone.  I'm not asking for money or for Christian Louboutin shoes.  Though...?....No, no, I'm not!  I'm looking for warriors.  Fierce hearts who love a good fight.  The fight for the underdog.  People who have been following the blog and believe in hope and the beauty of courage fleshed out for all.  Who believe in women feeling at home in their own bodies. Who believe in the greatness of people when challenged.  Men!  This is not a girl's club.  I need your strength and courage and protection that your masculine spirits do so well.  Lovelies, you can make magic.  I've already witnessed it.

Watch this..

See that flailing dancing pasty white guy doing his thing?  The one who doesn't care what those around him might think of him because his passion to move like a banshee overrides all other fears?  That's me.  "I've got to be unstoppable."  And see green shirt somersault dude and tubby brunette in shorts; those brave souls who make sure white pasty banshee boy is not alone in his quest for dancing freedom?  That's you.  Not that you're tubby!  But you are indeed AWESOME! "You've got to be unstoppable." See the crowd watching how much fun their having and eventually joining in swarms creating a movement of great proportions for the joy of joining forces until one madcap dance party engages?  That's the world. "We've got to be unstoppable!" See the crazy half naked dude in the umbrella hat and red underpants at the end?  I don't know who he is but I can't wait for him to show up.

I'm looking for 5 or more green shirt somersault tubby brunettes willing to tumble down the hill in glee, showing the world that this is not only worth their time but hella fun.  I'm looking for The Fearlessly Female Passion Posse.  The fffppp! (If you watch Sex And The City you may recognize the inspiration).  This is no ordinary group of people either.  I'm talking fearlessly supportive and dangerously extraordinary.  This whole enchilada came to me while Shingled up so I don't know exactly what it all means but I do know this.  The public support of a few good men and women would change everything for FF.  There could be uniforms?  Chocolate is our official posse food.  There are many coffee breaks for brainstorming and dance parties.  The adventures of The Fearlessly Female Passion Posse are endless.  This is a fun thing to do.  But it is also a commitment.  That's the greatest part I ask from you right now.  How may you become possified?  I'm so glad you asked:

• Commit to reading the blog at every post.
• Commit to signing up for the mailing list (found to the right) to receive them by mail.
• Commit to joining FF on Facebook and encouraging a few friends to join.
• Commit to sharing the links to new postings on your Facebook page and/or thru email to your friends.
• Clicking "like" and leaving comments when you can, here and on FB.
• Be on the "inside" and open to group emails, communications, etc, as FF expands and needs your wisdom & input.
• Agree to unabashedly, lovingly, gleefully, pleasurably believe in Fearlessly Female as a greater than small way to spread the courage of love, faith and the power of shoes through a fun and fearless method.

Like these fellas except with killer shoes and less facial hair

There is great power in numbers (one of the reasons I need you) but there is greater power in the passion of a few people.  I'm looking for you.  If you are brave enough to dance alone with me for awhile, believing that it will change the world into a better place then please, by all means and on the wings of eagles, join my posse!  Raise your right heel, sign your name below in the comment window and let me know if you agree to the commitments.  Write me an email to fearlesslyfemale@hotmail.com so I know how to reach you for glamorous gun-slingin'.  Then put on your dancing shoes, Darlin', for we are about to make a scene! 

PS...You do not need to like Chocolate or wear high heels to be an FF Passion Posse member.  But I may try to sway you.  Just sayin!  Unless you're a man.  Then stay away from the high heels.  By all means.

And now back to our regularly scheduled program with The Uglies: Pt 3 coming soon...If you are new to the FF blog...*sigh*...I am overcome with happiness.  Welcome!  The best place to begin would be the prelude to The Uglies entitled A Good Story (clickity click!) and proceed from there....May you always remain...xx

Update on March 23, 2011:  5-6 days into the Shingles now and I take back what I said about it being mild and simply a nuisance of pain.  They are excruciating and debilitating.  My Lovelies, there is a vaccine for Shingles (which anyone can manifest at any time if you have had the chicken pox, FYI).  Please hear my cry ~ Go get the vaccine....I mean, like now...(With lots of love)...