Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Signs that you just may be a masochist.

Going into a Marshalls' dressing room, stripping down to your faded purple-cuz-it's-sexy granny panties, hole in the toe Hanes tube socks, and a nude utility bra 42 millimeters thick enough to cause your boobs to resemble something like plastic mixing bowls; trying on two different sized jeans with the new fangled suck it in tummy panel and higher waist that are not called Mom Jeans, in front of a body length mirror lit all the way around as an interrogation mechanism, burning the same wattage as surgery room lights, which can see right through your epidermis and into the chain reaction of your cellulite reproducing because what we really want when we go try on clothes is head to toe ripple revelation; holding your breath for 12 seconds as you convince yourself that a karate chop crease down the center of your abdomen is really quite hot and the term "folds" is under appreciated, as you do enough deep knee bends, squats and pelvic thrusts that would make an Olympic medalist proud, stretching your new smaller size fine ass non-Mom Mom Jeans into an unidentified shape; allowing you to breathe well enough to pay the lady without a paramedic present; driving home while standing, plotting your 48 hours starvation diet of celery juice and gummi bears, and then eating an entire 1.67556 lb Chipotle burrito under 7 minutes because you can't find the sour cream in that bite that you swear you saw Mr. Burrito Maker Guy plop in; wondering if you're insane, convincing yourself that you're not, launching into a full burrito investigation, ignoring the fact that you have no more feeling below your waist from your denim crotch tourniquet, because holy mother of God, with wide eyed excitement and 1215 calories consumed you just found ALL the sour cream in the last bite. 

What a relief.



Lovelies Like A Giveaway! #3 ~ FeFe's Playlist



 

 
If there is anything FeFe loves as much as ridiculously beautiful cars and swooning over her Darlin', it's music.  Good music.  Booty-shakin' music.  The kind of songs that makes you drive faster than you should and love harder than you thought possible.   Sooo, today's Lovelies Like A Giveaway is all about the tunes that make a girl or guy feel happy to be alive.  FeFe has a 'Sweety' for a lucky Lovely!  
 
Who is FeFe and what is a "Sweety"?  To find out, click over to the original Fearless adventure of a girl gone wild for love, bacon, couture and saucy automobiles with a soundtrack that drives her .  Literally.  And in case you haven't heard, FeFe will be coming out of hiding soon.  That girl has been up to something.

So, my Lovelies...What is FF giving away this week?

 

New iPod Shuffle 2GB ~ Learn about it at Apple.com

 
Yeah, baby!  Brand new, just for you.  Choose the color you love the most of the New iPod Shuffle 2GB and it will be ordered just for you from Apple.com after the winner has been announced.
 
 
Safely engraved by Apple, from FF to you!

 
And since FeFe has a serious soft spot for sentimental words, it will come personally engraved with a special message from FeFe to you, my Lovely.  She's just gooey that way.
 

 

 
And lastly, but certainly not least, just like the trunk of that sweet little stolen '67 Mustang fastback named Eleanor, this iPod comes loaded!  A bevy of songs from FeFe's Playlist will be downloaded, uploaded and every which way cruising into the ear buds. 

 
Muse, Stevie Wonder, U2, Arctic Monkeys, Billie Holiday, Adele, AC/DC, Aretha Franklin, Fiona Apple, and of course, Darlin', are just a few of the artists Sweety will be playin'.  Plus, leaving plenty of space on the iPod for your own selections.

 
You will also received a burned CD with the loaded tunes so that you may upload them into your own iTunes account and allow Sweety to hold onto them forever if you wish.

 
There are two ways to enter:

 
1.) Visit Fearlessly Female's Facebook fan page and click "Like" on any blog announcement, music link or video, presented by FF only (You may post your own videos but any likes on them will not count as an entry this go'round), that states "FeFe's Playlist" in the commentary.  One "Like" counts as one entry.  FeFe's Playlist Videos will be posted randomly for the next two days giving you more chances to win!  Official entries will only count on videos posted by Fearlessly Female herself this go'round.  Comments on Facebook and "Likes" on those comments do not count as an official entry.

 
2.) Leave a comment on the blog answering this question, "What song or songs personify YOU?  What would be on your personal soundtrack?"  And here's the juicy part ~ Comments left on the blog count as 3 entries.  THREE!  Please note, you may comment as many times as you like but only one will count as entry into this Giveaway.  This is just my personal way of showing my deep appreciation for you Lovelies who leave such awesome comments here at the blog.

 
Entries close at 8pm on Thursday, October 27 and the winner will be announced later that evening as a song dedication on A Little Night Music on the FF on FB page.

 
EVER!

The rules + small print: 
  • Lovelies Like A Giveaway is open to the universe and beyond. 
  • You must be a fan/friend of Fearlessly Female's Facebook page to win.  Meaning ~ "Like" us!
  • You may enter as many times as you like according to the rules of entry listed above.
  • Prize will ship within 3-4 weeks of winning on this one since it is ordered and personalized after the win. 
  • This item cannot be returned or exchanged 
  • Prize is non-transferable. 
  • "Like" entries must be made on Fearlessly Female Facebook posts and does not apply to what you "Like" on Tiffany's personal page.
  • Winner will be chosen randomly by old fashioned methods, i.e. scribbled on paper bits and drawn from an official law office Tupperware container. (Unless we get so many entries the trunk of a '69 Camaro will have to be used.  Nowwwwww....just to track down that Camaro.)
  • The Saliva Clause will be in effect. (Saliva Clause: Not eligible to win if we currently share bodily fluids including but not limited to blood & saliva. Got to keep it fair!)

So Get On Your Boots and shuffle on over to FF on Facebook.  You're gonna Like this!


...

Friday, October 21, 2011

TGIFF! The Lovelies Edition



If you're not aware of what TGIFF (Thank God It's Fearless Friday!) is then peek into the original to find out how The FF Word and God mix perfectly (even though I drive illegally, say Holy SHIT and scream out Jesus' name in a pissed off pickle or when I see the flash of a red sole mocking my rubber tread).

It's been awhile since I've been thanking God properly - In writing.  He is always near enough to hear my Holy SHIT muttering and utterings but there is something so great...so beautiful...so absolutely delectable that I cannot allow another Friday to go by without proper credit where gratefulness is due.

So...

Thank you, God.  Thank you for my Lovelies.  I thank You for bringing each and every one of them into my world in the most magical way.  How did You know who I would need?  How did You know who I would love?  Only You, God.  You big softy.  They are extraordinary.  You have created a new family where there was none; from the ashes of the past sorrows and losses of love.  From the thousands of miles that separate us all you have caused us to converge on this blissful highway of glittering shoes, the wisdom of sages, enough Chocolate to make any man (not woman because it would be impossible) sick, fearlessly open hearts and a booty-shakin' dance party of night music.  I know You know that I know what You know about the whole shebang...

But my Lovelies, I want you to know:

That when I wake up every single morning you're the third thought I have (after Baybeh-Baybeh & how soon I can get Chocolate into my mouth).

That if I am in a sticky situation during the day and I'm completely confuddled about it I ask myself, "What would Lovelies do?".  And then I try to do just that.

That if I had to choose between forevermore losing my days amongst you and cutting off my leg, I would beg and plead like mad not to have my leg cut but then I would do it and sport a snazzy bedazzled prosthetic with bionic abilities and put on a damn cute shoe where my foot used to be and return to you...Because you are where I want to be.

That if I had a million dollars I would keep $499, 999 for bare essentials like 1.) A '66 Corvette Stingray in Mosport Green Metallic, and 2.) A private concert (on my living room floor, by the crackling fire, with a bottle of chilled Champagne, and a padlock on the front door) from Darlin', and then spend the rest buying the sexiest damn shoes $501,000 can buy for you Lovelies.

That I check the Fearlessly Female on Facebook page about every 11.3 minutes just to see if you're there.  And then if I see you I turn red, smile wide, do some kind of weird 'hair in the mouth' thing that I just noticed, and look around feverishly to tell someone, anyone that you're here!  You're here!

That if I was fired right now for writing you a love letter instead of updating the contents of the Will safe, as I was instructed to do, that it would be worth it because you bring me something more valuable than what can ever be put into my bank account.

That I have spent just about every lunch hour, court visit, recorder's office run, and spare minute during the work day parked in front of Starbuck's in my broken down jalopy with laptop open, stealing their WiFi so I can have just one more moment with you.  Yes, I return to the office late EVERY DAY.

That I have actually peed my pants a little while reading the FF on FB wall after you've visited. 

That you are more gorgeous than you can see.  You are wiser than you realize.  You are more fearless than you know.  Your beauty goes far beyond what the eye can comprehend.  You're the real deal, my Lovelies.   You've got the light of love in you and it radiates far beyond the interwebs and defies any darkness that may come.  God lights my path but you...You, have lit up my dreams.


You are the rain on parched days and the sun in blistering cold.  You are everything I hoped for and so much more than I could have ever imagined.  I thank God for the moment you arrived and I pray we will always be here for each other. 

No matter what.

Psssst.  God.  I know.  For reals.  They are so much more than Awesome.  They probably don't even know it.  Please protect them and love them with every big and little thing you got going in that spirit of yours.  Bless them deeply and set fire to their dreams.  Let them know above all things just how worthy they are.  Let them know they are forever Loved.

Your ever gooey, sappy and Chocolatey servant,

Tiffany Yet To Be Determined xx

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Lovelies Like A Giveaway #2 ~ Shoes!

To consecrate and sanctify a few of my favorite things, FF has given away Chocolate and coffee ~ The two most important food groups according to FeFe.  (Cheeseburgers, Diet Pepsi & Sour Gummi Worms rounding out the pyramid.  And by rounding out I mean, my waistline.  Hence the need for the Diet Pepsi food group.  It's just being responsible.)

A big congratulations to Sheerah for winning our Gateau et Ganache & Starbucks Giveaway last week!

Next on the FF favorites list is something I never intended to include but could not deny after posting this silly picture on Facebook and getting a surprising response from the girls ~ "LOVE the shoes!"


"This job is harder than it looks" ~ Break time at the Law Offices of Baybeh-Baybeh & Baybeh
 
These sweet slippers carry me for hours without pain.  They are a part of my weekly wardrobe because they look smashing with just about everything.  They have a no-slip sole so I won't crash and burn while flying across the marble lobby with hot coffees and client files in tow.  They are practically silent compared to the typical high heel, which is ideal if you are a ninja or jewel thief (only one of which I have experience in.)  They are sexy/sweet/modern/retro all at the same time.  They are just as adorable, if not more, on bare skin as over opaque tights.  They receive compliments every time they grace my feet and are the most comfortable heels I own ~ bar none.  

AND they are really hard to find since I purchased them at the beginning of the Fall 2011 season and are now sold out at most retailers.  But not for FeFe!  I am privy to one last source, therefore, they are the next gift in Lovelies Like A Giveaway!


G BY GUESS Lucasa Sandal
  • Suede upper
  • Peep toe
  • Open ruffled T-strap
  • Adjustable ankle wrap
  • 1¼" platform, 4¾" covered heel
  • Synthetic sole
  • Imported

The winner will have a choice of sizes between 6 - 11 with half sizes available.  Please note: These run slightly large.  This prize is valued at $69.00 and will come in black suede.

How to enter:  1) First and foremost, be a friend of Fearlessly Female's Facebook Fanpage.  2) Beginning on Tuesday, October 18 and ending Thursday, October 20, click "Like" on any FF Facebook post, link, photo, or status that makes reference to "Shoes".  This will give you more than one chance to win! 

How will I know if I won?: Check the FF Facebook page on Thursday night as the winner will be announced with a song dedication on the "A little night music" link.  The winner will have 48 hours to claim their prize by commenting on the link before forfeiting the prize to a new winner.

The rules + small print: 
  • Lovelies Like A Giveaway is open to the universe and beyond. 
  • Prize will ship within 3-4 weeks of winning on this one. (The shoes will be ordered after choosing a winner and shipped from the company to me first and then from me to you). 
  • Once size is chosen and shipped they cannot be returned for a different size. 
  • Prize is non-transferable. 
  • Entries must be made on Fearlessly Female Facebook posts and does not apply to what you "Like" on Tiffany's personal page.
  • Winner will be chosen randomly by old fashioned methods, i.e. scribbled on paper bits and drawn from an official law office Tupperware container. (Maybe this time I'll get fancy and type them out on a pleadings template and actually use the feathered hat.). 
  • The Saliva Clause will be in effect. (Saliva Clause: Not eligible to win if we currently share bodily fluids including but not limited to blood & spit. If we swapped spit two years ago or longer, go for it baby!)


These are really, really cute shoes.  You want these.  So remember ~ Click on "Like" every time I mention shoes on the FF Facebook page from Tuesday thru Thursday and wish upon a fallen eyelash that you win!

And guys?  You want these, too ~ For your woman...for your sister...for your secretary...for your barista...for your boss...for your favorite blogger (Hint, hint, I could use another pair!)...for you...(Did I say that?  I mean, they do go up to size 11.  Just sayin'.)

Good Luck, my delectable Lovelies!  Get your bodacious booties to Facebook and have fun!

xx
Pssst, Lovelies...C'mere.  For one bonus entry into the giveaway leave a comment below this blog post sharing the size you wish for and how you would wear these shoes.  Shhh, you didn't hear it from me.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Signs that you just may be a masochist.




Waking up at 5am to frantically pack a week's worth of pencil skirts, after staying up until 2am the night before because the Real Housewives of New Jersey Bitchfest Reunion Part 1 was on (and more important at the time) than packing pencil skirts; to rush, dodge and weave through 140 miles of morning rush hour traffic, wearing 4 inch heels and a skirt so tight I have to breathe through my elbows; straddling a large Diet Pepsi with extra ice and an iced grande soy latte between my legs because my cup holders are filled with rusted pennies and earrings too painful to wear longer than an hour, while maneuvering the steering wheel with my knees so I can tease hair for the 7th time trying to cover up the bald spot; in a beat up pickup truck with a broken windshield, two bald tires, faulty tail lights, and a cracked head that leaks oil into the radiator, replacing antifreeze with an oozing concoction resembling something between Chocolate mousse and baby poo, aka Poo Mousse, and smells just as good; speeding into CHP territory with overdue registration tags and a 21 month invalid driver's license, using my fuzz-seeking intuitive girl powered radar to avoid cops at all costs as not to go to jail again; 3 hours later riding on fumes and having to pee really, really bad because I just inhaled that large Diet Pepsi and that iced grande soy latte; cursing bald spot and wiping off Chocolate croissant crumbs from ace bandage skirt just in time to screech into work a teensy bit a lot late at the Law Offices of Baybeh-Baybeh & Baybeh, looking impossibly frazzled refreshed five counties away from where I began, because it all makes going to work that much more exhilarating.

Rinse and repeat next week with the Real Housewives of New Jersey Bitchfest Reunion Part 2.





 

*Foot-in-heels note*

Bald tires ~ No worries.  They've just been replaced.  I don't want to die covered in iced soy latte.
Poo Mouse Antifreeze ~ My little truck should be studied by automotive scientists.  Poo Mousse has somehow, someway kept my engine cooled for over a year now.
Drinking two beverages at a time ~ I'm indulgent...with Drink Deficit Disorder...and weird.
Cracked head ~ Yes, I mean mine too.


Monday, October 10, 2011

Lovelies 'Like' a Giveaway!


You are Lovely,
In every possible way.
There is more to you than meets the eye,
You are finer than words can say.

These two years have given FF wings.
It is you, my Lovely, that has guided the way.
I love you more than Chocolate & coffee,
Therefore I'm giving my favorites away.

~

Exquisite Lovelies of FF Facebook, the blog and beyond:
This fall ushers in what I like to call,
Lovelies Like a Giveaway!

What is FF giving away?
Some of my favorite things.
The things that make me jump for joy.
The goods that keep the blues at bay and glee at hand.
The doo-dads that set FF's world on fire.

When is FF giving these juicy bits and pieces away?
Beginning Wednesday, October 12th through the end of 2011.
The giveaways will vary in length of entry and come at surprising times.
Check the blog and Facebook page often for updates.

How do I win the goods?
It's super simple.
All you have to do is like it.
Seriously.
When you see an image on FF's Facebook page titled Lovelies Like a Giveaway,
Click it!  Dream of it!  Drool over it! 
Like it!
It's really that simple.

Who can win?
Anyone who is a Friend/Fan/Liker Extraordinaire of Fearlessly Female on Facebook.
Yes. Oui.
Let's be friends of the Loveliest kind.
If you have perused the blog,
Or are a person friend of Tiffany Yet To Be Determined,
But have not plunged into the FF world on Facebook,
Well?
Come on in and stay awhile.
You've been missed!
clickity click here <----

Do I need to live in the US?
Nope.
We are international, baby.
If I can find a way to ship to the moon,
It will be so.

How will you choose a winner?
I'm an old fashioned girl,
Who does things in old fashioned ways.
All the likes will be written upon bits of paper,
And pulled randomly out of a hat.
But a really cute hat.
With feathers.

How will I know if I won?
The winner of any giveaway will be announced on the FF Facebook page,
With your name highlighted (if FB isn't acting tempermental that day),
So that it reaches your FB page as well as announcing you to the FF world.
If we don't receive a response within 24 hours,
You will be privately messaged on Facebook.
If after 48 hours we don't receive a reply,
FF will choose another winner.
From the really cute hat.
If I could send smoke signals I would.

So my Lovelies, that about ties it up!
---> Be friends with FF on Facebook.
---> Like the posts that are entitled Lovelies Like a Giveaway.
---> Cross your eyes, and your fingers, and your legs and your toes.
Make a wish.
Blow a kiss.
Shake a booty.
(It doesn't have to be your own.)
---> And check in with yours truly on FF Facebook to see if you won a few of my favorite things.
Hot damn this will be fun!

~
PS...If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to comment below. 

Post PS...Pass it along to your friends by sharing TheFFword through Facebook share buttons located either at the very top of this page in the dark gray banner listed as "Share" or at the bottom of each blog post, directly beneath "Comments".

Post PS Pssssst!.....I love you big.
Just sayin'.



~ First Lovelies Like a Giveaway starts this Wednesday! ~

Sunday, October 09, 2011

How to finally get that thing done that you really want to do.

It may come as no surprise that I have had a hell of a time switching gears back to the blog after 104 days of tripping over my ruby heels in The Land of Laws.  Playing with TheFFword.com is just about my favorite thing to do on this great green earth besides making love to Chocolate and melting Mister Man.
If you are anything like FF you are easily distracted...anywhere...at any time.  If you are nothing like FF jump for joy and spank your hiney for you hold the key! And then come sit next to me and share the secret to getting things done when there are new pleadings to file, glossy magazines to open and a needy kitten to cuddle?

Screw it.  Glittery things and court houses can wait.  I'm coming back here if it kills me. 

Up at the homestead for the weekend and finally having some free time to ponder my next Fearlessly Female move, I stumbled upon this video.  Like a masochistic angel in hot pants, Miranda July has shown us the way to getting things done.  It's sick.  It's twisted.  It's flippin' brilliant.

Dagnabit, It just may work.





Chocolate as my hostage, I could get anything done.  Now, where did I put the power drill so that Libby Loo will have air under her bowl?


My Lovelies, what will you need to "trap" to finally get that thing done?



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