Monday, October 15, 2012

Daring Greatly

"Maybe stories are just data with a soul." ~ Brene' Brown

Truth or Dare?  When you hear those three words taunting you at a bachelorette party on meth does one choice make you cringe and the other make you want to rip off your britches and somersault through a KFC drive-through?  "Original Recipe please."

Last week on Fearlessly Female's Facebook Page, my Lovelies, you mastered both - You dared to tell the truth; hotly and fueled by high octane bravery.  Dare I say I have my suspicions that even some of you were britch-less while truth telling.  You brazen love banshee, you!

Last week we were scientists in the lab of What Love Looks Like.  I lit the Bunsen burner and you tested your courage.  It was hot, sweaty and emotionally explosive.  But like any experiment there is a cause and there is an effect.  I did it 'cause I believe that a voice truthfully shared is a tool for healing.  The effect was more amazing than I could possibly have imagined.

(To read firsthand the power of trusting strangers coming together in an act of vulnerability click over to our Facebook page and scroll down to the dates of 10-11-12 & 10-12-12, following The Hot Truth events of those days.)

What did you feel when it was over - when your guts spilled rambunctiously onto the world's page? 

Did panic begin to take hold and scream, "Retreat!  Retreat!"? 

Did you have an emotional hangover the following morning complete with physical exhaustion, wobbly thoughts and a desperate need for a Chocolate IV drip at your bedside?  (Or was that just me?) 

Did you leave those two days feeling heard, clearly seen, connected, a little less fearful and a lot more loved?  I do hope so.

As Brene' Brown, Ph.D, social researcher, nationally renowned speaker and best selling author on the topic of vulnerability would say, "Get messy.....lean into the pain.....that's where the power is." 

A few weeks ago I downloaded Dr. Brown's new book Daring Greatly and to my absolutely delight, she was speaking my language.  With just a few chapters in, Daring Greatly sparked the idea to open up the social media space as a safe place to be raw, peeled open and simmered over a love fire.  My Lovelies, you showed up in gorgeous force and proved that being transparent, if even for a day, will summon the strength of others to jump into the soup and share in the whole-hearted flavor.

We've only just begun for there is a feast to be prepared, my Lovelies.  Time to call upon one of the Master Chef's for a recipe to dare with:

(If you are reading this post in your email subscription please click over to the blog to watch the video.)

She said it all, didn't she?  Exquisitely. 

On 10-11-12, you had the courage to be imperfect.  You connected with yourself and each other with your entire heart, broken bits and all.  That wasn't just a representation of living out loud.  That truth fest didn't just reveal how the domino effect of sharing oneself encourages another to safely fall.  Those two days blazed the trail of boldly sharing The Hot Truth, no matter the consequence, in this fearful, modern world.  THAT is rare.

So allow me to pose the question to you that Dr. Brown asks - What is vulnerability?  What makes you feel vulnerable?

Next to come on is a love letter of sorts to those who paved the way of a shared, loving experience for little ol' FeFe and made it ok for myself to also stand truthfully exposed before you without my soul-cellulite scaring you silent.  Stay tuned....



  1. I am quite accustomed to wearing my heart on my sleeve and sharing status with my pals and FB friends. I go overboard, admittedly, but trying to balance between being real with being in a state of 'vent'. I enjoyed daring to be vulnerable, taking the risks, and agree that it gives you power when you are not hiding who you are; denying who you are; or downright pretending you are living a life that is not yours. IOW: I gotta be me; I did it My Way, etc. FF is a state of freedom; bring it, revel in it, and live it.

    1. Ms. O,

      You being You is exactly why we all adore you. You set the standard for many. You keep me in awe.

      "FF is a state of freedom; bring it, revel in it, and live it." ~ Holy cow, hell yes!

  2. My first reaction to the question you posed at the beginning of the post -- "Truth or Dare?" -- was "truth, always truth." Mostly because I'm afraid of the dare ;-). Seriously, if there's the potential for physical injury or nausea, I'm out. How do I know whether I'm going to have to kiss the cute bartender or eat a bug?! But to answer a question honestly... I can do that. I'm not saying it's *easy*, but I prefer it over the unknown. Ah, so there's my "truth." :-)

    As to what vulnerability is? I don't have a personal definition, but I like this version from Madeleine L'Engle: “When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.”

    I agree with Connee: being vulnerable (and I believe, being truthful) gives you power! The energy that we spend hiding ourselves, wrapping vulnerability in anger, shame, blame, fear, robs us of the energy to live fully. Being vulnerable opens up the space to live and to learn.

    1. Ms. Anni (Mistress of Chocolate Dreams Come True),

      Woman, I'm with you ~ Give me truth and spare the tasted scorpions on a stick! Yikes!

      What a beautiful description by Ms. L'Engle about the vulnerablity of adulthood. No longer do we have our Mom's standing in the way of danger or defending out flaws to the school principal. To be a grown-up is to fight or stand 'naked' so much of the time. And how painfully beautiful that truly is.

      Thank you so, so much for sharing such an eloquent description of a challenging choice of being.

  3. I think the most beautiful thing was reading other people's stories. It made me feel their courage and think that no matter how bad things are, there are people out there living with worse and not complaining. And people who have been through more and it made them stronger, not bitter. It's easy to let things in life make you feel like you don't have to try anymore, like you're a victim and the world owes you something. But none of FeFe's Fearless Followers are like that.
    And I think the experiment was a success. I consider myself vulnerable when I post an entire comment being totally serious, with no references to ninjas or zombies or monkeys or mullets. That's an accomplishment. Vulnerable is not making jokes all the time, even though lightening the mood is my go-to response. You've managed to (temporarily) quiet the smart mouth... a feat :-)

    1. You crazy, wild Writer Freak,

      We are incredibly blessed to have been witness to people - everyday, ordinary (and I mean that as a point of strength), brave souls - quietly unfolding before us within those precious hours of fierce courage. It not only takes a fearless step to divulge something outrageous or devastating but to admit to pure happiness and a simple life. There is judgement abounding in this real world from every angle, for every choice and every way of life. To not have witnessed even a tremor of judgement in our Hot Truth experiment was absolutely divine.

      The fact that you didn't send in the ninja zombie mullet monkeys in place of the absolutely delicious, brilliant, wise and tender girl that I know and love will go down on the Great Wall of Lovelies as a milestone in vulnerability at it's best. And now for a massive butt-shake in your direction....xx


Your comments are the golden wrapper to my Chocolate bar. Without them the blog would melt away. I love to hear what you have to say. Thank you, my Lovelies!

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